For my Big-Little

Holy Father,

Be with her. Wrap your loving arms around her and soothe her worried heart. She is scared. She is angry. She is confused. Speak to her heart as only YOU can. Help her to see, understand and accept the plan YOU have for her. Ease her aches and anxieties as she prepares for the big changes that come with leaving home and starting a new life in college. Be with Mama and Daddy as they take her to school. Give them the words she needs to hear.

Father, YOU made her so specially and wonderfully just for our family. Thank you for making her a part of our family when YOU knew we would need her most. Thank you for blessing us with NJB. I am so thankful that YOU have strengthened our relationship. Help us learn how to love each other, lean on each other and pray for each other. I am so proud of her. I cannot wait to see what YOU have in store for her.

In Your Holy Name -

Amen.

Frustration

Why is it so hard to go to church alone?

I had plans to go to church today. Plans that had been set for a week. Plans that were confirmed yesterday. But, this morning I called my church buddy and found that she had been up waaay late with a mutual friend consoling and comforting her through a hard time. I understood. She had to cancel. I'm not upset with my friend at all.

When we hung up, I cried. I can't stand going to church by myself. There is a church I've been really curious about less than 2 miles from my apartment. I could've walked out the door and been there in less than five minutes. No big deal, right? Not for this girl... I cried because I knew I was too scared, too uncomfortable to go alone.

I really want to be able to go. With or without someone else. It's just so much nicer when I have someone else there.

Listening

My mother called yesterday, asking simply for me to pray for an unspoken prayer request. I could tell whatever it was pressed heavily on her heart, so I am asking you, Unknown Reader, to do the same. Every time her name comes to mind, or I see her picture I ask HIM:

"Father God,

Hear my Mama's prayer. Put her anxious heart at ease. Wrap her in your unfailing grace, peace and mercy so that she will know and trust that YOU have control of everything. I can't be there to hug, or help, or talk. But YOU can, YOU will, and I am so thankful we both know that. Thank You, Father for hearing our prayers, and answering them in YOUR perfect time.

Amen."

On a side note, after spending too many Sundays away from HIS house I am hearing him call me back "home." Pray that "my stubborn heart" will listen. Pray that I will find the perfect place to nuture this weary heart.

for Daddy

Untitled


Every beautiful thing about her –
her stories,
her songs,
her presence,
is alive again tonight.


I can feel her hands –
warm on my face.
The faint scent
of Avon’s cocoa butter
her fingers run through my hair.


I can hear her voice –
rich and smooth
after 20 years of silence,
telling me she’s been
watching, cheering, laughing, crying
right along beside me.


I can see her face –
smiling down at me,
my head in her lap,
curled up beside her,
my grandmother’s granddaughter
once more.

I Am From...

We wrote "I Am From" poems in my poetry class this semester, and this is mine. For me, it feels like a tribute to my family.


On being a Boone...

I am from the bridge over Lake Junaluska
where Mimi said “Yes.”
From Pappy’s barn
just past the barbed wire fence
we crawl beneath
leaving our jeans stained
with the scent of wet grass and manure.

I am from Thomas Frederick and Betty Lee,
Hester Ann and Richard James,
David Sanford and Roxanne-with-no-middle-name
because she was a surprise.

I am from the napping blanket
stolen from my Mama’s house,
red and navy plaid with silver snaps,
soft, familiar, sleepy.

I am from potato soup and broccoli bread
started at 4 and served at 7
but no matter what I do,
I still can’t make mine taste like hers –
yet.

I am from the songs my Daddy plays while we sing
long fingers plucking,
shining eyes smiling,
as his girly-girls sing
whenever and wherever we are,
in harmony.

my heart hurts

more of the struggle...

tonight has been especially hard, for whatever reason. i cannot stop thinking about him. i want to know if we are really going to try again. i'm tired of playing the dating game. i just want "us". no one else.

...................................................................................................................................................
what does God think
now that I’m away from you
and the only thing I want
is to come home
to you?

what did He feel
when He heard us say
this feels good,
this feels right,
and
maybe we can try again?

what does my Father see
when he looks into my heart
is it lost with yours,
saved by grace,
and is there room enough
for both of you?

what does He hear
when I pray for your heart
asking Him to move you?
break down the walls you’ve built
so that when we leave this world
I won’t have to miss you anymore.

April 25, 2006

Quiet Conviction

I feel as though I'm in the middle of a huge a spiritual struggle. If I don't start talking about it, it will become an even bigger secret than it already is. I need prayer, and I'm not sure how to deal with how I'm feeling. I'm not sure why I feel the way I do. I want to make sure this is something I hold sacred and dear because I believe it. Not because someone told me to.



Quiet Conviction

quietly He whispers
asking me once more
His disobedient child
to break away from the world
and walk in faith beside Him

silently I lie awake
wishing it was easier
for my restless flesh
to trust in His ways
and live only for Him

softly He calls me
reminding me again
His love is all I need
abound in grace, peace and mercy
if I will only follow Him

humbly I seek forgiveness
wondering if my stubborn spirit
will finally rest in Him
separated from the sin
that leaves my heart convicted

April 2006